Pass The Broccoli

Wiping the Dust Off the Broccoli

2012-01-31T14:39:00.000-05:00

Hi. It's me. It's been about a whole leap year since I last wrote you. I've been thinking about the past and was looking at pictures stored on my computer for a dating site that I may or may not be joining...ever. I'm not a big fan of pictures that I am in, especially pictures from the present. I've gained some weight ( no, I'm not obese but putting on jeans straight from the 50 minute steaming hot dryer cycle sure makes me think twice about that statement.) I am just trying to be a lot healthier than I have been in the past. So, I thought of my "old" blog and remembered that I have links to pictures that I have saved somewhere online (not to use on a dating site of course..must have present day pictures for those and we will save that topic for a WHOLE different day.) I didn't really remember my password or who even hosted my blog so I googled it. I had to pretty much sign my life away to retrieve my password and log in name but after what seemed like eternity, it was time to sit back and reminisce about the good times past. I laughed...I cringed...and I smiled knowing that I have a REALLY GREAT group of friends that were included in most of the posts. I clipped and emailed a few chosen verses and emailed them off while anxiously awaiting a response like.."omg", "hysterical", "holy shit"...and I got them within minutes of texting and emailing. My friends are good like that. No matter how far apart or how long it's been that we have talked...we can always pick up where we've left off and that is why I have chosen to pick up where I've left off here. I am going to try and get this thing back up and running. I've also decided to keep my old blog posts right where they are. Some may be funny, some may be embarrassing and some boring as hell, but they are a part of me and my past and feel free to check them out. I can remember the day when I started the blog. My friends and I were trying to find a way to exchange recipes so there are actually quite a few delicious recipes posted here. I still use a lot of them (except Jill's..Jill you must have learned to cook by now??) Somewhere I seemed to have veered left instead of continuing straight on my original path of food which I am perfectly content with. Besides, between Facebook and Pinterest I'm sure you can find a recipe for anything within seconds...isn't that amazing? It seems like yesterday I was thumbing through Encyclopedia Britannica while doing my homework. Until next time...hopefully fours years won't pass between us this time.

Here Fishy Fishy

2008-07-21T20:36:00.005-05:00

Put your tackle boxes away and hang your fishing pole up because those fish that you are trying to catch are already hooked on a new idea. Fish Pedicures are moving upstream and are now available to anyone who can stand the nibbling of more than 50 tiny fish around your feet. This new idea however makes me not only squeemish and freaked out but I know my feet and this little piggy and that little piggy won't be wading into any fish filled tubs anytime soon. It's disgusting and honestly, I can't even change the water in my fish bowl without freaking out wondering when the fish is going to jump at me. What about hygiene?? Does that even play a part in this whole thing? I can picture some freak who's feet are filled with warts and toe jam, ridiculously long toenails, sticking their fungus feet into the tub that I'm next in line for. Anybody want to cut in front of me? What happens when you're done with the pedicure? Let me guess, like they say about a dog that has the cleanest mouth after licking it's butt for hours, a fish must have a sparkling fresh clean mouth too, right? Do the little Chinese women come and wash the mouths of the fish out with soap for the next person? What happens if you want a really good pedicure..you know when you ask the little Chinese woman to scrape your feet hard to really get the dead skin off.... will they upgrade you to a tank full of piranhas? Ouch, my last little piggy would cry all the way home for sure.

There are so many questions I have about this. If you think you're a good candidate for this kind of pedicure let me know how it goes. Take pictures and get good video footage. I bet you'll grab lunch at the fresh sushi restaurant next door.

Check it out... http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/homestyle/07/21/fish.pedicure.ap/index.html

My Mom Carries a Gun

2008-07-14T17:09:00.003-05:00

Mommy dearest is the real deal. She don't mess around and I have my childhood memories to prove it. When all my friends had extended curfews, I was at home pouting on my bed because my mother was the hardass who made us come home early from a party. I'm the one who tried to fight with my mother over anything and lose horribly because one swift brush of her arm and I was down for the count. She's rough, she's tough...and she's my mom. I could go on and on but with one look at the following clip....there's no need for any further explanation. Without further adieu, I present you with the "Buuullllll of Night Court" only Manchester's Edition...and she carries a gun.

http://www.wmur.com/news/16877597/detail.html

And Then?? NO AND THEN...And Then??

2008-03-18T12:33:00.003-05:00

I pulled up to the drive thru this morning at Dunkin Donuts. I waited at the speaker while listening to the scratchy microphone that was still turned on. I overheard one of the workers inside talking about how her boyfriend wanted to get a tattoo of a scorpion on his neck and she was like "Oh no, he thinks he gettin' a scorpion on his neck but I want him to get a cross" So I as I wait listening somehow a vision of Jerry Springer dancing the cha cha on Dancing With the Stars pops into my head. Finally a really loud voice (testing, testing, is this thing on? ) comes on "MAY I HELP YOU?" Uh yes, I'd like a number 3 sesame bagel with veggie cream cheese and a regular medium hot coffee. "I'M SORRY WHAT?" I repeat. "PLEASE DRIVE UP" So I drive around and wait at the window. A girl who might've been the girl talking about her boyfriend because the voice sounded familiar, comes to the window. The girl sticks her head out the window and asks what I got. I repeat for the second time... a number 3 sesame bagel with veggie cream cheese, regular medium hot coffee. She yells back to the "toaster person" my order as if it was never ordered. "Ya she wants a sesame bagel and cream cheese" Veggie, I say. She hands me the coffee and I proceed to wait for what seems like eternity while the people behind me clearly think I'm waiting for this massive order. I bet they're pissed they chose the drive thru. She finally opens the window back up and hands me my order. I look in the bag to find plain cream cheese....ughh! I wait at the window for her to open it up again to tell her that she gave me plain cream cheese instead of veggie cream cheese ( I would've totally drove off if it was a cinnamon raisin bagel but on a sesame bagel you need veggie cream cheese to make it tasty) You would think I ordered a side of shit by the look she gave me as she traded the cream cheeses. Maybe her boyfriend should tattoo "I'm with Dumb Dumb" on his neck. I'm sorry that you chose to work at Dunkin Donuts and if it was the first time they messed up my order I wouldn't care....but when it happens almost every time I go to DD it gets a little annoying. I wish I didn't like their coffee so much.

Tipsy McStagger and O'Stupid

2008-03-17T19:47:00.011-05:00

It's St. Patrick's day today and seeing as I work at an Irish Sports Bar, we served lots of corned beef and cabbage. Let me just blurt out some random things that happened while I worked.

1. Before we even opened, the phone rang off the wall with people asking if we were serving corned beef and cabbage....no, I'm sorry, we are an Irish restaurant and we aren't going to serve corned beef and cabbage today....Idiots! Of course we serve corned beef and cabbage. In fact, I think even Taco Bell may even be serving some sort of green item...guacamole? mold?

2. Speaking of the phone ringing all morning...."Hi, could you tell me how to spell corned beef?" Uh, sure c-o-r-n-e-d. "and...." "B-E-E-F!" "Thanks." Who am I...the new edition of Webster's Dictionary?...Look it up lazy and while you're at it....look up d-u-m-b. I'm trying to get people drunk not give a spelling bee.

3. Who orders corned beef with Swiss cheese and mayo? And which part of Ireland did you say you were from??

4. You are clearly not even closely related to the Irish if you are asking if we have green beer specials.... vomit on yourself and take a picture....it may be green when you get it developed...good luck with that one.

5. Promotional items.....let me repeat it PROMOTIONAL ITEMS! What will they think of next? If it isn't green and blinking then it is worthless. People were fighting over stupid necklaces that were green, stupid green, glittery hats, flashing, glowing buttons that could say I'm ugly, fat, and my breath smells rancid and people wear them anyway. I can only imagine what the people look like that make the giveaways...obviously they are completely drunk and each new item that comes out is more stupid and idiotic than the previous one. My guess is it's probably two midgets dressed all in green trying to get back at Santa for not accepting them into the North Pole. People thrive on free shit. God forbid they go to the Mall and buy a real shirt. Why would they when they have a Coors Light Ski Team, St. Patrick's Day Alumni (whatever that one means) 1967 faded blue Milwaukee's Best Pogo Stick Jumping Team shirts. Are the people that run the promotional companies former last kid picked for the basketball team groupies? Come on. I actually saw a lady start pouting today because they ran out of t-shirts that said Guinness. Did I mention the lady was drinking a white wine spritzer while dressed in a shirt that said Irish Drinking Team. Really? Who'd pick her and what do they do...see who can pound their pomegranite/raspberry/starfruit wine cooler the fastest without letting out a tiny carbonated burp?? I can picture the competition now... Shamrock tattoos are ok. I mean if you put them in a decent spot...like not on forehead between your eyes. I saw that one today. I hope he was driving too. No, officer I wasn't drinking. I just came from the tattoo parlor and I wanted the tattoo between my eyes...I thought it would get me lucky. Boy, I wish I could have taken a picture of that idiot. He's the one person you see trying to see how many trinkets he can put on his body, he's so cool.

6. I'm thinking of switching my heritage to something else because there are too many people ruining it for the real Irish people. Maybe we should bring out our Irish tempers and shove those stupid blinking, flashing, glowing, necklaces where the sun doesn't shine....Let there be light!

7. Drunky McGee comes to the bar an orders an irish car bomb, ironically, after he just bombed the bathroom and is trailing it around the restaurant....wipe good next time buddy...or at least wipe.

God, I wish my eyes were a video camera and I could just record all the odd things I see. I love to watch people especially after serving them alcohol. If they only knew....

Janitor For Hire

2008-02-29T14:51:00.004-05:00

Every once in awhile Pass The Broccoli features a classified ad. The ad may range from a home for sale, an employment opportunity, or just a miscellaneous,good for nothing, time to kill ad. Today's ad consists of an employment opportunity. Without furthur ado....I present John the Janitor....

Calling all Ladies....well, and probably some men! Have I got the man for all your cleaning needs! I'd like to introduce you to "John the Janitor". John is an all around "clean" guy. He's here to wash, wax, scrub, and scour all those tough stains away. As you can see he never leaves his mop or his cleaning cart anywhere. This picture was taken at John's "home away from home" in his broom closet. You can find him usually behind any door that's labeled "Electrical Closet" or sometimes he can be found just mopping in a stairwell. Ladies...if you need your trash can emptied, John is the man! He not only takes out the paper and the trash, he knows how to put a new bag in the can. He can even double knot the bag so that no accidents occur. I found him in the supply closet and asked him a few questions...

Me: Hey Janitor John...whatcha doin?

John: I'm mopping...leave me alone

Me: John, what's your motto?

John: If you spill, I will clean it up

Me: Wow John, that's a great motto

John: Leave me alone

Me: HeyJanitor John.... I clogged the toilet, can you help me?

John: Clean it yourself

I think I caught up with him on an off day....Give him a call....he might not answer.

2008-02-22T12:24:00.003-05:00

Can you solve this puzzle?

You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles, which won't get out of your
way, and you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Check out my comment section for the answer!

Everybody kneads a Little Grey Goose Once in Awhile

2008-02-21T14:15:00.007-05:00

I decided to make a couple of pizzas for dinner last night. I figured I'd make my own dough so I decided to dust off my bread machine and finally put it to use. I gathered up all the ingredients and threw them in the machine, set the timer, and presto...I had dough. It took about two hours to make a couple of doughs (what are they called? a loaf? a group?..who knows) The buzzer went off and I took them out. fresh dough smells disgusting, like stinky feet. Anyway I let them cool for a bit while I got all the toppings ready. I decided to make a BBQ chicken pizza and a margherita style pizza. So I grab one big dough ball and throw it down on the counter and think to myself...Geez, I don't have a rolling pin, what am I going to do now? And as if the goose was flying right above my head, I looked up and saw it hanging on the wall all

alone. I'll use the Grey Goose bottle of course! So I did. Who knew it

had more of a purpose than getting you drunk? I will never buy a rolling pin. I wonder what else I can use it for? Perhaps a vase? I might just

hide it under my bed incase I need to hit an intruder...or if I get parched and need a swig late night. Oh Grey Goose...I owe you a poem of gratitude....

Goosey goosey how much I love thee

Morning, Noon and even late nighty

Martini straight up with an olive or two

One two many then I start to spew

When I start seeing double I cover one eye

Then it's right to bed with a random guy (just kidding it just rhymed)

I owe it all to you thanks for the fun yo

For now I'll just use you to roll my dough'

Down and Out...of the contest

2008-02-15T12:51:00.004-05:00

Bad news. It turns out that Ellen has picked a better group of girls to go on the Roadtrip. I'm almost positive that she overlooked our entry because if she saw it, I know we'd be hopping in that GMC as we speak. I'm pretty sad because I really thought we had a chance to win. The girls who did win, decided to make a video (which went above and beyond the guidelines) and Ellen loved it. Well Ellen...we made a damn picture! I spent 3 hours cutting and pasting those stupid pictures. I wasted about a whole day on trying to figure out what to write, and I skipped my naptime...that's an effort if I ever saw one. I just hope those girls live up to America's standards and give us some good entertainment...or I'll turn the channel so fast. Some weird things that I noticed as I wiped away my tears while listening to the bad news. The winning entry was sent in from Nevada where all four of the girls live...what kind of roadtrip will that be from Nevada to California?? We come from New Hampsha! That would make it a real trip across the country. Another weird thing is that winning entry was sent from a 29 year old girl named Jaime Gottman...odd?? I'm a poor loser, I know, but I really thought we had a good chance. Anyway I'm off to graffiti the picture that I wasted a whole day on.... and apply for a day job.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T14:21:00.003-05:00

Lucky Guys!

We're Coming Ellen!

2008-02-13T17:15:00.004-05:00

What is this you may be asking? Well it's a work of art of course. One of my creations that I believe will earn me and 3 of my friends a free roadtrip! Ellen is offering a road trip of a lifetime check it out here...it's true http://ellen.warnerbros.com/gmc/ All you have to do is enter by telling her why you deserve to be chosen. She is also loaning a 2008 GMC Acadia to the lucky winners to drive across country to celebrate on her show! Well Tracy, Jen and I have been working hard on an entry all day and this is what we came up with. Read the following entry and tell me what you think. We added in the picture above to earn an extra brownie point with Ellen. The "Tiddy Bear" http://youtube.com/watch?v=gw1g2yKxb0I is a big part of Ellen's show so we figured we'd add that in too...incase you don't understand what the teddy bear is doing check out the Youtube link. Wish us luck!

Dear Ellen,

We are writing to you today to tell you that we ARE THE GIRLS FOR THIS ROADTRIP! We truly believe in our hearts that this is the e-mail for you to choose. The four of us girls have been friends since we were young (going back as far as Kindergarten). We grew up in a tight-knit community in NH where friendship and family meant the world to us. We all went to school together, played sports together and stood by eachother through thick and thin during our childhood. Together we have overcome broken famillies, the loss of loved ones, and even cancer. Heck, at one point three of us convinced the fourth friend to call off her wedding! We have a chemistry that is hard to come by. As years pass it has become a challenge for us to remain in tact. We do our best by making eachother a priority during holidays and vacations, as we consider eachother family. This is still the case today in 2008, the year in which we are all turning the big 30. Yes, 30 years old! One of us lives in DC, and despite how close we remain it's hard for us to make plans with conflicting locations and work schedules. What could be better for our friendship than celebrating our 30th birthdays together on a roadtrip? Please Ellen, if you pick us for this trip, it would not only bring us together again but it would be the best birthday present for all of us (and great entertainment for America!) We won't let you down!

Hope to see you soon,

Jaime, Jen, Tracy & Mandy

Eric O'Shea does the Elmo Voice

2008-02-08T12:45:00.001-05:00

Watch the whole video...totally hysterical!

Dan Dunn's Paintjam on Ellen show.

2008-01-28T13:28:00.001-05:00

If you have some spare time (obviously I do) sit back and watch...it's pretty cool.

Probably the funniest fall ever caught on TV

2008-01-14T14:13:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry but I am completely addicted to Youtube.... keep watching after the first fall...

Facial Breathing Technique

2008-01-11T12:00:00.001-05:00

Saw this one on Ellen today. I'm wondering where she got that pink leotard.

Japanese Game Show Marshmallow Eating

2008-01-10T11:33:00.001-05:00

What will they think of next....

Tell em Large Marge Sent Ya

2008-01-02T22:27:00.000-05:00

The Holidays are over! Thank god for that. The past couple of days I've decided to venture out and do my returning. You know how it is. Everything that you've asked for this year has been completely overlooked and instead everything you've recieved has been either 4 sizes to small or belongs to the opposite sex. Apparently TJ Maxx was the place to shop this year or it was the place where the least amount of traffic amounted....still trying to figure that one out considering I told my mother not to even think about buying me an article of clothing. But what do mothers always do? That's right...they buy you clothing that you wouldn't have even dreamed of wearing last year never mind the actual born on date of 1982. So of course I spent all of Christmas morning tearing open presents tagged with "From Santa" (I'm 29 incase you're wondering) faking a smile while hiding a sarcastic comment from within my dark shallow soul "Thanks Mom...I love it". I knew for one that my mother would not have the reciept for anything or if she did have it, it would not be found till my wedding day and two if she did have it, I will still have to fight my way through holiday traffic, stand in a line 40 people deep and of course only get a "store credit" even though i've shown my birth certificate, social securtiy card, date of my last bowel movement and a sample of my DNA. "Ya sure I'll take a store credit." I am forced into rummaging through the odds and ends of an upperclass flea market called TJ Maxx.. "Thanks Mom, I love how you always listen." She means well. She always says she just wants to be able to put something of substance under the tree. I tell her a bottle of Grey Goose is substance, an envelope full of money is substance, a new camera is substance, am I wrong? A day of returning is not substance and only leads me to substance abuse after I'm done. So I make my way into Macy's and end up in the underwear dept returning some clothes the other day and I end up behind an usually tall lady ( I think it was a lady anyway) and she's purchasing about 4 nightgowns. I don't even know how Macy's sells nightgowns this big but you learn something new everyday I guess. I must have stood behind her/him for ten minutes listening to her ramble on about those stupid things. This is the dialogue I overheard
Saleslady: Will this be all ma'am?
Tranny: Yes, don't you just love the fabric on these nightys?
Saleslady: Mmm yes
Tranny: I just love to sleep in this material, you know it's not too tight, you know we all have to breathe while we sleep..
Saleslady: Mmm yes
Tranny: And I just love the colors, they seem so vibrant and bright
Saleslady: Mmm yes
Me (in my head) : Jesus Christ just shut up!
Tranny: I mean they are just so comfy and I'm not even sure which one I'm going to wear first
Me (in my head): Put them all on at once for all I care, just stop talking...you're scaring me with your deep man voice
Saleslady: Uh huh ok that'll be 29.99
Tranny: Oh that's it....maybe I should go grab some more
Me ( in head) Lady!!!!! Give the F'in lady your money and get the F outa here! Go transvestite at the big and tall store or something I just want to return my damn underwear!
Saleslady: There's a limit with that coupon you're using
Tranny: Ok well maybe next time I'll pick some up
Me (in my head) : Forget it, I'll keep my damn underwear....I can't stand listening to this Circus Side Show Freak of Nature talk about her/his pink nighties and the feel of the fabric! I'm outa here...thanks Mom this is all your fault!

Waitress Trips and Falls Through a Huge Glass Window

2007-12-20T14:54:00.001-05:00

I can honestly say....I've never done this!

Fainting Goats

2007-11-22T22:22:00.001-05:00

Looking for a new pet?

Funny Human Tetris Japanese Game Show

2007-11-07T15:36:00.001-05:00

"Gats Ass" and "Naked"tivity in Mystic Connecticut

2007-10-23T11:57:00.000-05:00

Looking for a place to whoop it up in Connecticut? Have that special bachelorette wanting to party hardy? Well Mystic is the place to be....

It's a place where you can certainly let your guard down.... and do whatever you want. Need an idea? Try just putting underwear on your head and act like a leopard or something...it's just an idea.

If that doesn't work and you feel like making blubbery faces on a dirty glass at a dirty bar then just go ahead, somebody is sure to have a camera...like me.

It's a place where you can belly up to the bar....or bra....and get a good shot of patron or Jen's breasts. I'm going with Jen's breasts...the patron was not so good, especially after flushing the last of it down the toilet.

The hotel not only provides great spa services but you may also rely on transportation from the hotel to the restaurant of your choice...or just invite a pregnant girl with you...she'll drive too.

If Captain Daniel Packer can't lure you in with his lovely atmosphere then maybe Amanda can lure you in with her love of the menu...

Remind me not to have whatever she had....she's a drunk.

There is plenty of singing and dancing. You just pick your song and then sing away.

A popular song young chicks like to sing is "Like a Virgin" even though we know the bride to be is just pretending to be a virgin...judging by the pictures you're viewing do you think little Miss Amanda is a Virgin? I don't think so... nice try Amanda.

I'm pretty sure you'll like it in Mystic...It's so much fun. If I'm not mistaken...I believe Dan snuck in to the party to keep an eye on his future wifey....dressed up as Bobby Brady. Nice curls Dan! (Look behind Tracy)

Give Mystic a try...you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll puke and you'll see your bachelorette drunker than ever!

To Be Continued....

2007-10-23T09:44:00.000-05:00

I'm just waiting on some very important pictures that the bride-to-be Amanda Jean Gatsas is so hesitantly stalling with and I will be posting a blog about the weekend festivities. Be patient, the pictures are worth the wait.

OH GRATE!

2007-10-10T10:34:00.000-05:00

OH GRATE! guess who got their fancy pump stuck?

Beautiful Nail

2007-10-09T11:53:00.000-05:00

I received this in an email quite a long time ago and I lost it. It resurfaced the other day when I was bored and watching random YouTube videos. It is probably the most accurate video of what the experience of getting your nails done at a salon is like. I have watched it probably 20 times. Sit back and watch... it's hysterical!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsWrY77o77o

By the way if anyone is looking for Michael Jackson, I believe he's a nail tech at Beauty and Nail Care....He's sooo Priteee!

No "Ruff"Housing With Me

2007-10-05T12:05:00.000-05:00

I was driving down the road about a month ago on the way to my mother's house. It was a beautiful day, sunny, just the perfect day for a walk. The road she lives on is a pretty long road with sidewalks and plenty of walking space. I noticed a lady jogging on the right, another man with what appeared to be a grandson walking beside him, and as I got closer to my house I saw a woman. The woman was pushing what looked like a carriage. How cute, that lady must be out walking her grandchild. As I got closer I gave a quick glance as all drivers do and immediately did a double take. Not only was she not pushing her grandchild or any other kind of human being but she was pushing two small dogs. Hello?? What on earth was she doing pushing two dogs or even one dog at all? I almost drove off the road while staring down the situation. Shouldn't she have been walking the two dogs on a leash? I was totally confused. It wasn't like they were two huge dogs that were going to pull her around like a rag doll.

I just don't understand people and their dogs. I am a dog owner. Apparently I'm a horrible one because I laugh at what people are doing to their poor dogs nowadays. I shopped online the other day for a new bag. The options that came up were ridiculous, a couple of real bags and then choices for dog carrying bags. What??? Why don't these people just have a baby or something. Why is society trying to humanize dogs? Newsflash America.... dogs are never going to be able to talk or cook you dinner or tuck you in at night. If they did talk they'd probably say something along the lines of "Hey you...take this pink leotard off of me, get me out of this fake Prada carrying bag and get your fat lazy ass sneakers on and take me to the park while I lift my leg on every mailbox along the way...Ruff!" Dogs are companions, fun to play around with, teach them a couple of tricks fetch a ball once in awhile but that's it! I fully crack up when I see people driving in their cars with their dog on their lap or better yet hanging out the driver side window. We can't talk on our cell phones while driving but "Chauncy" the French Poodle Pug Retriever Miniature Horse and whatever else kind of mixed dog they think up next, can drive on your lap. I have a Golden Retriever named Tucker. He's a great dog but if I ever put that dog on my lap (I can't even lift him) to drive to the store then everybody better get off the road! People would probably think it was Alf driving because all you'd see is dark brown fur ("Hey Willie!")

I won't knock the doggy daycare idea, I should look into that. In fact Tucker just may get lucky if I send him there. He's not fixed and as a result of not fixing him, he proceeds to hump everything in site including men's legs which I find extremely odd (maybe I have a gay dog). So I just home school him for now, I see no doggy daycare in the near future.

What about dressing dogs up? I am constantly seeing dogs with glasses, hats, sweaters, booties, bras and underwear ( just kidding about that one...I was on a roll) People wearing matching sweaters with their dogs? Get a life people...or a hobby. Believe it or not I've even seen a dog wearing a diaper and here's proof http://www.inventionconnection.com/BOOTHS/booth111.html. What's next? I probably won't even be surprised by it. If this is what's happening now, then somebody should report me to the ASPCA, maybe I'll turn myself in. I just can't fathom packing a designer doggy diaper bag with me the next time I grab the dirty old red leash to take Tucker out for a walk.

I went online to check my email a little while ago and if me going off about the wacky behaviors of pet owners wasn't bad enough this flashed on the screen...

http://us.video.aol.com/player/launcher?refId=video:asset:pmms:1930372&autoplay=0&ar=us_en_video_408x406_snag This may be a support group for me...yah right! Even these people are weirdos. I'd rather talk to the drunkest drunky in a bar then go to a dog park and talk about Sparky and Spot and about Ruffles doing "just the cutest thing" the other day.

I gotta go...I have to make Tucker a birthday cake and he has a tennis lesson at 3pm...

Also...we need to start collecting more recipes for the winter, we can't forget the main point of this web page! I'll start posting them again next week sometime.

Tenjooberrymuds

2007-10-04T11:34:00.000-05:00

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS". With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service Room Service: "
Room Service: Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I... don't think so."
RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes'means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglishmoppin webodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglishmoppin, we bodder onsigh and copy ... rye??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You're welcome"

Arms Locked And A Bit Cocked

2007-10-02T12:17:00.000-05:00

This past weekend marked the Bridal Shower of the soon to be Mrs. Amanda Casey. The exquisite affair was held at Ron's Landing at Rocky Bend in Hampton, NH. The quaint room overlooking the calm sands of Hampton Beach was quite appropriate for such an occasion consisting of about 50 women. The menu was also quite perfect starting with appetizers including succulent scallops wrapped in bacon and crab cakes (among others) and finishing with an array of picattas, steak tips, and seafood fettuccine Porto fino. While Mandy opened gifts we indulged in a rich raspberry filled cake from Frederick's.

After such a glorious celebration, the festivities continued on to Mandy and Dan's house in Manchester where newly purchased unopened boxes of Waterford wine glasses were opened and immediately christened. While the corks were popped the toasting and roasting began almost instantly. Mandy being such a competitor offered up a game of Taboo and the fun began. The Manchester girls teamed up against the Boston College girls while clearly the only goal in mind was to see who could consume the most wine. Manchester came out on top and kicked BC's weak palate. BC outsmarted Manchester with the real game at hand. Competition only got worse as teeth became stained red from merlot and pinot noir. Mandy, who believes her biceps are made of 100% steel, proposed an arm wrestling match. Eyeing up her first victim which was rubber armed me. Feeling as though my name should be changed to Screech Powers at this point I stepped up to the table, mounted my elbow in place. After grasping Mandy's stern solid grip I took a hard swallow and we were off! And....as fast as a hooker can take off her clothes....I was out. Mandy "Rough and Tough but that's Enough" Gatsas, was ready to meet her next challenger. She right away grabbed her next opponent Katie Greenwood ( part time body builder) and they were off. I'll admit, they had very good form and at one point I thought it was going to be good competition. However Bad Ass "Mean"wood took the victory. Other competitors included underdog Tracy Fitzgerald who managed to knock Mandy's body and ego to the floor when she romped and stomped her way to victory, Jennifer "Hold on I need a sip of wine first before I kick your ass" DePippo who had victories over Mandy and Celia and and who also fell victim to Katie Greenwood resulting in a right rotator cuff injury the following day , Kristen "Powerhouse" Thomas barely had to put an effort into beating anyone who crossed her path and last but not least Celiaaaaaahhhoowww Gatsas who lost miserably and stated her loss was because "Nobody cheered for me!"

All in all the day and night was a success....we learned a couple lessons. 1. Never underestimate the power of Tracy Fitzgerald 2. Never open new wine glasses the day of your bridal shower 3. Never play Taboo with Kim Joyce and last but not least 4. Never wear stilettos around floor grates

Here are some pictures...... http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AaNGzJm4YuGLiw&emid=sharview&linkid=link4 There might be more coming soon....stayed tooned!

Not So Silent and Deadly

2007-09-27T11:13:00.000-05:00

I've been doing some thinking. Everyone knows that the best thinking is done in a bathroom. In the bathroom you are always given two choices ( no... not number 1 or number 2) but the choice to sit and think or sit and stink. I mostly choose to sit and think (occasionally I have no choice to sit and stink but hey...shit happens!) While I've been thinking, a certain question has popped up in my mind over and over again Not the kind of question people think of on a daily basis, like "I wonder what sales are at the mall this weekend" or "I wonder if the price of Sara Lee Honey ham has gone down". The question is Why are public restrooms so quiet? Why does the most natural act of human beings have to be so uncomfortable for most of the human race (ya i know...some of you "bathroom bombers" don't give a "shit" what bodily function comes out, how loud it is, or who is listening) but some people feel uncomfortable about it. GI tracks are unpredictable. Think about the last time you've been in a stall and either you or your stall mate has made some kind of uncontrollable noise. It's quite embarrassing. That immediate sweat that takes over your whole body and sky rockets your body temperature. Then two things happen 1. you're completely embarrassed and refuse to leave the stall until everyone has evacuated the entire restroom or 2. you pull the whole fake cough thing or you clear your throat to pretend like it never happened. None of this should have to happen. One shouldn't have to be on edge while in the stall that is why we need to solve this problem. Fortunately, I have also been thinking quite a bit about possible solutions (ok so I've had a lot of chili) These are my ideas. My first idea involves the bathroom attendant. I think while using the facilities the attendant should be performing stand up comedy. She should have already been trained and should have some good material...you know...bathroom material. She'll have her own pre-taped audience laughter so if you don't think it's funny there will automatically be laughter pumping through your personal speaker as well as main speakers surrounding the entire restroom. The laughing and snorting from the speakers will not only buffer your unexpected ghastly noise but will keep you at ease. It will teach those Powder Fresh Glade perfume ridden women who just sit in the chair and hand you paper towels (like you can't just reach up and get your own from the dispenser) to actually make us feel better about tipping them. Just picture Rosario from Will and Grace....she'd make a killing with her stand up. My other idea is to install a sensor on each stall. Each time a person opens the stall door to enter the sensor triggers to play music. It just automatically plays a predetermined station...sort of like a tanning booth has an individual radio where you can adjust the volume. It wouldn't go very loud, just enough to silence a "trump". It will shut off when you leave the stall. It will be controlled just like the automatic flusher but is attached to the door.

Whatever the idea, something needs to be done and fast. There are too many people holding in their gas and politely excreting. Let me know if you have any ideas on this matter....just let it all out people.

A Kiss From Me to You

2007-09-23T21:40:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say that today marks the very first Anniversary of one of my best friends Tracy and her husband Brian. I can't believe that a whole year has gone by. It seems like just yesterday Tracy, Mandy, and I were shoving pixie sticks up our noses at the mall waiting for Mama B to pick us up in the Honda. We used to eat so much candy and junk food. There were so many walks to Dick's Variety to get Swedish fish or salt and vinegar chips...I could go for those chips right now. Anyway guys....I'm blowing you each a big wet KISS for your anniversary..hope it is a good one!

Speaking of kisses....here's a great little "upgrade" for whipped cream. I got it from my friend Kara..thanks Kara!

Kara's Kahlua Whipped Cream

1 box vanilla instant pudding
1 container of cool whip
1 shot of Kahlua....or more

Mix it up and refrigerate it for 2-3 hours

Give me Samoa!!

2007-09-19T22:00:00.000-05:00

I've never been an ice cream lover. Infact, I used to hate it. I'd prefer anything salty in a second over ice cream. People are always raving over crazy flavors, triple fatty fudge o' love and whatever other flavor of the week is out there. Let me tell you my story.... It all happened last Wednesday night when I went to visit a friend with two small children who love ice cream. I picked up some Chinese food for us and I knew I should probably bring a treat for the young ones. I stopped off at a corner store and ran inside. I went straight to the frozen section and I wiped the frost off the cooler window. I scanned through all the flavors...regular boring flavors... typical corner store. So I grabbed mint chocolate chip knowing that I wouldn't be eating it ( I really do not care for chocolate). As I shut the door, out of the corner of my eye I noticed a quart of Edy's ice cream with a label I hadn't seen before...what could it be? Girl Scout Samoa ice cream? I love samoas! I scooped it up and headed for the counter. The whole rest of the way to my friends house, I kept wondering what that ice cream would taste like while fighting back the urge to break into the chinese food..man was I hungry! As I arrived at the house, I grabbed the bag of food and ice cream out of the car and headed inside for pig-out fest. Turns out I completely stuffed myself full of crab rangoons, dumplings and not to mention a plethora of lo mein. I was so full that I barely could fit water inside me to wash it all down. The two boys immedietely wanted dessert....gag me! I had been dreaming about trying that Samoa ice cream the whole time I was stuffing my face full of rangoons but I if I put anything else in my mouth I was sure to explode. The boys each had a little bowl of ice cream and they loved it. I never did get a chance to try it, I was so focused on controlling the rumbles in my stomach all night. I really didn't think much about it either for the next couple of days. My phone rang and it was my friend Joy(mother of the two boys). "Jaime do you know how good that ice cream is?" No, you tried it? Did you like it? "Oh my god, you have to go buy it ." Ok, I will pick some up the next time I go to the store. "Well, you should hurry up...it's a limited edition...stock up!" I went to the store yesterday and picked some up. If you like Samoa Girl Scout cookies then boy are you in for a real treat. As soon as I brought the ice cream into the house....I had to rip open the container and try a little. I actually found myself searching for the delicious chunks throughout the ice cream. At one point I found myself scooping out the ice cream where the chunks were and then putting the samoa free chunked ice cream back in the container. I patted it down just incase somebody else wanted some. Seriously, if you're into ice cream and you really like those delicious little cookies then you have to try this ice cream....you'll be asking for Samoa! Remember it's a limited edition ending in December...enjoy it while it lasts!

Losing Their Inhibitions

2007-08-04T13:25:00.000-05:00

I worked at the restaurant last night. The restaurant that I can't wait to get to when it's 90 degrees outside, the restaurant that is ALWAYS so cold that most people have to wear their snowsuits and order the soup du jour just to keep their body temperature from going into shock. Here's the story. It all happened Thursday night. I was bringing a steaming hot bowl of delicious french onion soup over to a man when I noticed that my pits were damp. How could that be possible when it's nearly zero below 99% of the time? Damn the man who orders soup! Thinking it was just the heat from the soup, I kinda shrugged it off and took a little jaunt into the walk in freezer (think Brady Bunch episode Sam the butcher locks kids in freezer) to cool off. As I walked back out into the bar area, I noticed that the perspiration was immediately coming back not only in my armpits but to the worst possible place...my upper lip. When the upper lip sweats I am doomed. Wondering what the hell was going on and cursing God for giving me hot flashes too early in life, I ran over to the thermostat which in fact was sweating itself while reading 83 degrees. Immediately apologizing to God for the hot flash comment and switching my evil curses to the AC God, I went over to Paul the manager and sure enough...the AC broke. Soon everybody in the restaurant noticed the muggy, disgusting conditions and as fast as Scotty 2 Hotty can drink a beer (one of our favorite customers who can really put em down!)...they moved onto the patio for fresh air. It wasn't much of a difference in air quality outside but definitely beat the sauna inside. Needless to say...it sucked and it turned out that the AC wouldn't be fixed until the following Monday. I went to work last night(Fri) with the thought of wearing my bikini and nothing else but decided on plan b shorts and t shirt, packed my extra bag of ammunition ( 1 stick deodorant, 1 bottle perfume lotion, 1 extra shirt, and 1 preplanned line that I was planning on giving customers if they pissed me off) and headed into work..a.k.a "the land where habaneros grow". Cursing myself for even showering, I walked through the door and immediately moistened up and the sweat a thon began. The night did surprisingly go well despite the heat, people didn't seem to mind. It turned out that heat actually made people drink more and before long the unhired entertainment began.... drunk people here, drunk people everywhere I turned.Drunkos slurring and singing the wrong words to common juke box tunes. I had to carry dishes and glasses while dodging them left and right. If you know me then you know I have reflexes like a cat. I was the perfect waitress in this situation and at times I would just laugh at the intoxicated fools who were unconsciously racking up their bills and I would just smile and chuckle to myself. Half of them were drunk dialing, stumbling to the bathroom especially the girls... of course all the girls had their cameras yelling "Let's take a picture all together!" Then they all had to take up the entire bar area while each camera was used and boy I'm sure those pictures are gonna come out real good, what are they going to do...make an album of el drunko photos?? ...half of them had frizzy bed head from the heat, shirts so low that boobies had already fallen out (insert vision of 16 year old boy working one hour photo at cvs... printing doubles for sure to sell to his video game friends), and most of their eyes were either closed or sooo red from all the alcohol that was in them good luck red eye reduction on those. As the night went on it just basically turned into a circus when all the girls were trying to find each other and their extras their potential one night stands .When one of the girls came over to the table that we were sitting at and just started eating the nachos that weren't even hers. She reminded me of a pig sitting at a trough, sour cream dripping off her mouth. She clearly had no idea what was going on and she just kept on eating.. then just like a tornado all the girls got up and got swept right out the door....good bye and good riddens! We all got up from the table to watch them stagger across the street of course...we needed the encore to the show. As I got into bed last night having had only a beer and half a drink I reflected on the night and I thought to myself...I wonder how many waitstaff have I entertained when I've been drunk? The world will never know...

The Saltine Challenge

2007-07-05T09:50:00.000-05:00

To celebrate the 4th of July, we invited a couple friends over for some sausages and wings. After sitting around the table, someone brought up the subject of saltine crackers. There is this challenge that has been around for quite some time. It's called the Saltine Challenge. The Saltine Challenge is the name given to a popular game played in offices and cafeterias everywhere. The challenge is to consume six saltine crackers in 60 seconds. No drinking is allowed during the challenge, and the saltines cannot be dunked in liquid to make the challenge easier. The difficulty lies in how quickly saltines dry up one's mouth. The number of saltines can also vary from six, to ten, to twelve. Of course, we all had to try it. Some people tried small, quick bites, while others tried to shove as many as they could into their mouth. Some of us tried the challenge twice....nobody could do it. We all ended up laughing while blowing dried up cracker crumbs out of our mouths. Pretty disgusting. So try this challenge and please, let me know about your experience...I'll be waiting!

Some other known challenges are as follows... eat a teaspoon of cinnamon right off the spoon, drink a gallon of milk in 15 minutes, and the grossest eat 3 Wendy's triple cheeseburgers in 50 minutes..... anybody else know of any challenges?

Walking For a Great Cause

2007-05-20T22:59:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends,

On June 10th I will be participating in the annual NSTAR’S Walk for Children’s Hospital Boston ( formally known as Miles for Miracles.) This will be my fourth walk, marking four years of Anthony achieving success all due to Children’s Hospital. As many of you know, Anthony spent his first three months of life living in the hospital. He was faced with incredible challenges after being diagnosed with an LPA Sling along with major pulmonary and cardiac defects. Anthony beat the dangerous odds and to see him today, running (with Mom always close behind) and playing, you would never believe that he has had a sick day in his life. He ( and family) couldn’t have done it without Children’s Hospital and the amazing staff there. Anthony continues to visit Children’s Hospital for follow up care. He really knows how to charm the nurses and always hams it up with his doctors!
Children’s Hospital Boston is a very special place to not only myself, but to millions of other families. It is unique in so many indescribable ways and it is truly a place where miracles happen everyday.
If you would like to contribute to the walk you can do so by giving me a check made out to NSTAR’S Walk for Children’s Hospital or you may contribute online. All you have to do is click on this link http://giving.childrenshospital.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?&pid=576&srcid=354&frtid=113 You will see Team Anthony. If you scroll down you will see my name and after clicking on it, you will be able to sponsor me. I thank you in advance for your generosity. Your donation is greatly appreciated not only by myself but many others that have had an experience with Children’s Hospital Boston. Below is a picture of Anthony (on left) and his younger brother Dominic. They are quite the dynamic duo!

Attention Creativity!

2007-05-17T13:08:00.000-05:00

Give Me Your Best Line....

I have to admit..I'm totally speechless! That's why I'm turning to you, my audience, for the best line to go with this picture. Come on, give it your best shot! Please leave a comment with your best line that you think will go along with this picture! The winner's caption will be attached to this picture and possibly be hung at the restaurant. Don't hold back...give it your all! I haven't decided what the winner will get but I promise it'll be worth it!

Sealy Posturepedic?

2007-05-16T10:05:00.000-05:00

I was looking through some old piles of pictures yesterday. I came across this picture and I immediately starting laughing. This is the story about "Old Boyfriend." About two years ago I started dating "OB". I thought he was really cute (this pic does no justice to his good looks) and just a nice person to be with. My best friend Jen was also dating his roommate Matt, so it was just kinda like a go-with-the-flow situation. The four of us had great time together. They literally lived a street over ( I could see their house from my bedroom window....ok, so I spied a little bit..who wouldn't?) so we had a ton of fun together. Well after dating "OB" for about 4 months, he seemed to act a bit odd. One night the four of us went out for dinner and drinks at a local bar. We all ended up coming back to our place and passed out....(the good ole days of championship drinking...ya right!) At about 3am, my friend Jen comes busting in my door laughing hysterically and I jump up in bed.... What?? What's going on? She says.... It's "OB" he's sleeping on the kitchen counter! Haha! Come look at him! I thought to myself... They must be still drunk, why would he be sleeping on the counter and how did he even fit on the counter? Sure enough "OB" was fast asleep on the kitchen counter. Not only was he sound asleep, but if you look closely at the picture you'll notice that he didn't knock the big glass jars over, he would've had a hell of a headache when he sat up the next morning only to slam his head on the opened cabinet door, and he had his feet properly placed in the sink. Now, I'm not going to make up a MasterCard priceless ad for this picture (even though I'm sure I could think of a really good one) but I just don't understand how he fit his body perfectly on the counter. It turns out that he had gone to the bathroom and instead of taking a left back to my bedroom, he banged a right and hopped back into "bed". He really had no clue it ever happened which we knew he wouldn't remember (considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed that night) so good ole Kodak came through for us. The moral of the story....When your boyfriend is sleeping on the hard kitchen counter...you know it's time to buy a new mattress!
By the way "OB" and I are not together anymore, I pretty much stopped dating him after he called to cancel a night out with me using the excuse... I think I have the West Nile Virus so I'm not going to make it out tonight! Ok birdman...whatever. I look back on it now and I laugh hysterically every time this picture pops up. Thank you "OB" for giving me a good laugh once in awhile.

Running on Empty

2007-05-14T16:42:00.000-05:00

Everyone makes a goof once in awhile, right? Well, I sure made one this morning and I never thought twice about it. My roommate Jen was driving home from her parents house last night and was having car troubles on the highway. Nervous Nelly, we will call her, pulled in the driveway and walked in the house yelling..."I think something is seriously wrong with my car!" Freaking out, she immediately got the Saab manual from the car and brought it in the house to identify the light that was blinking inside the dashboard. After a little bit, I spoke up and told her that the car would be fine and that she could take my car to work and I'd take hers to drop it off at a friend's auto shop...then I'd hoof it to work which was real close anyway. Ok, she says, sounds like a plan. So I got up extra early today. I walk out of my bedroom and I notice that she left a note that says.... Sorry, stop at Cumby's and throw some gas in (she leaves money too). Ok, not a big deal considering Cumberland Farms is right next to our house. I showered, finished getting ready and I had plenty of time to spare. So, why not stop at Dunkins for a coffee and while I'm at it, I should stop at her work (literally less than a HALF of mile away) and bring one to her and I'll grab my sweatshirt out of the car in case I need it at work. I get in the car, I was a tiny bit nervous but I could handle it. I look at the gas light and I read how much is left....9 miles, sweet. I can make it to work easily on that (When I get to work, I'll just go next door to Mobil and put gas in) I pull into Dunkins (.01 miles away from my house) and I park in the spot, run inside and grab two coffees. I got back in the car and I start driving. Uh-oh! The car is making weird noises. She has a standard and it kept switching gears on me. It was bucking and then it would make a weird noise, like I needed to shift really bad but it was in 3rd gear. Oh no, maybe I should just turn around and go straight to work and deal with it from there...I guess she wasn't really exaggerating after all! I turn the car around and as I'm driving down the road, the car was basically just putsin' along so I left it in 2nd gear. If you've ever seen Chitty Chitty Bang Bang you know what to envision. If I could just make it through the light that was green then I'd be able to just kinda coast to my destination which was about 2 1/2 miles away. Yellow light....come on car.. faster! red light. Oh man, I am forced to stop. Then the car just died in the middle of the intersection, I am so embarrassed. Beep! Beep! An old man was beeping at me from behind. Buddy, I'm not an idiot, obviously there is a problem and I'm stuck in the middle of the intersection... I wave him to go around while I find the hazards. What is this, payback for all the people that beep at you all day old man river..stop beeping! All of a sudden a perfect stranger comes up to the window and asks me if I want him to push me into the Cumberland Farms parking lot so I can get out of the way. Oh yes, could you please? He goes to push me into the parking lot but idiot me puts my foot on the brake... Um, take your foot off the brake he yells! Sorry! He pushed me right into the parking lot and as quick as he showed up to help, he was gone just as fast. Thank you stranger! I call my roommate in the middle of all this and she says that she'll be right down to give me a ride to work and figure out what to do with the car. Sure enough she was there within minutes and we decided that where the car was pushed to wasn't a good spot. She gets behind the car to see if she can push me a little bit so I can make it to an actual parking spot. Of course she's wearing inappropriate footwear. She's wearing her fancy shoes today, her tan pumps...great outfit for work but not for pushing the car! The car doesn't budge (All she did was bump her chin) and finally another guy comes over to us and asks us if we want a push to the spot. Yes please! So Nervous Nelly and kinda cute guy get behind and push me...the thing is that the steering wheel was almost locked so I didn't even touch it. The spot was to the left of us so again... Jaime, turn the damn wheel! Ok, so I'm not so good with car stuff, I turn the wheel and voila...the car is in the spot. We thank the guy and he leaves. Geez, it looks like all you have to do to get a date around here is stall your car and they come running. I get in my car that Jen is driving and we decide to call our friend Brian (tow guy) and he gets all the info and says that someone will be there in a bit to tow the car to Exeter, where Saab is located. We sit and laugh and laugh some more because it's just our luck to have these odd things happen to us. I look at her and she's got dirt marks on her face and I am all nervous that the whole situation even happened. She gets me to work (only 8 minutes late) and she's off to work a second time. Later in the day, my phone rings and it's Jen. Um, Jaime, did you put GAS in the car today like I asked you to do? The tow guy is here and there is absolutely no gas in the car. It turns out yours truly is a complete idiot, the car ran out of gas and it's all my fault. I never thought twice about getting gas. I figured I could totally make it to work with 9 miles left in the tank...obviously I can't. The moral of the story is...When your gas light is reading 9 miles till empty, it really means 0 miles and you're screwed! I just can't believe it was the gas! Jen has an appt in Exeter and I'll let you know what the real problem with the car is....to be continued....

Speaking of gas...you'll sure have a full tank after making this recipe...if you catch my drift!

Stuffed Cabbage Rolls

large head cabbage
1 pound ground chuck
1/3 cup rice, raw, can use instant or regular
1 small onion, grated
2 eggs
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 large onion, sliced
1 large can (15 ounces) tomato sauce
3 cans (14.5 ounces each) diced tomatoes
3 to 4 teaspoons lemon juice (1 large lemon)
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 to 1 cup brown sugar

Remove about 15 large leaves from the cabbage; cut off very thick part of each leaf. Pour boiling water over the cabbage to wilt the leaves.

Preheat oven to 350°.Combine ground chuck with the rice, grated onion, eggs, 1 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Place a mound of meat mixture in cupped part of each softened cabbage leaf. Fold over sides of cabbage leaf; roll up. In bottom of Dutch oven, place a few of the remaining leaves. Arrange layers of cabbage rolls, seam side down, and sliced onions in a Dutch oven or large casserole. Pour on tomato sauce, tomatoes, lemon juice, and 1 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Bring to a boil on stove top. Sprinkle with brown sugar, to taste. Bake, covered, for 1 hour. Uncover and bake 2 hours longer.

El Drunko De Mayo

2007-05-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

Happy Cinco De Mayo! All you margarita drinkers can over indulge and pretend you're Mexican for today. I work at a Mexian/Italian restaurant called Cafe Teresa. Tonight I have to work. I especially love working on these nights that celebrate Mexican Holidays. Let me tell you why. First of all, the margaritas at my restaurant are not like any old TGI Fridays premixed 7-eleven style sour "slushy" margarita. For all you sissy drinkers out there that drink frozen watered down margaritas are truly missing out on the real jaimaican style margarita that we serve at Cafe. They are high quality no mess around huge pour of tequila, cointreau, and a minimal amount of lime juice. I can always tell a real margarita drinker from a "wannabee" margarita drinker. This is how a wannabee usually orders... "Hi, Can I have a margarita with extra salt?" First of all they never specified a type of tequila so I automatically pour a well tequila, then triple sec, and then our standard lime juice...NO SOUR MIX. This is the best part...I hand it over to them in our standard margarita highball glass. They usually look at it like I gave them a tiny shot of margarita and they always think they are going to need another one right away. So they look at it, squirt the lime and then this is the best part...they go to take their first sip and the only way I can describe the face is like I have served them a pile of shit. "Oh my god this is too strong, this is horrible! This does not taste like a margarita!" Well, that's because I knew you weren't a real margarita drinker and you are used to SOUR mix which we don't use (like real jamaican margaritas are supposed to taste like.) "Can you do something to this so that it isn't so strong?" Sure. I already knew that you weren't going to like the taste of it but I really wanted to see what your face would look like when you took a sip. I'll take it back pour this into a tall glass and add your gross sour mix that you are used to drinking and you can pretend you are sitting on an island with your spf 50 smeared all over your body while a real Mexican serves your cute little frozen margarita with an umbrella in it. Will that make you happy? Rule number 1....make the customer happy but first make them squirm a bit to satisfy your enjoyment. Then they go on to tell the person that he or she is with in a quiet ( a bartender can always hear though) voice "Oh my god, that bartender clearly doesn't know how to make a good margarita..I think she is trying to kill me."

Promotional items. Let me tell you how popular promotional items are in a restaurant on special holidays. You'd think the customers were sitting in Oprah's audience when she was giving out free cars. They love free shit! This is how it usually goes... I pull out some mardi gras beads (the standard promo item) and hand them to my customers. "Oh, thank you!" Then you always have the customers that not only want the beads, but they want only red and green or the one with the big beads or they want extra to take home for their children (ya right, you are going to hang them from your rear view mirror and you know it). Then you pull out the real gold....the t-shirts that say cinco de mayo. "Oh, can I have one of those? Do you have it in an medium?" Lady, this isn't the Gap and I'm not going to rifle through this huge pile of FREE t-shirts to find a medium which I know damn well that your big boobs are not going to fit into. I have drinks to make, crowds to fight my way through and fulfill Rule #2 Give the customer what they want. Rule 2 is annoying. These are the people that order food in the midst of the Cinco De Mayo chaotic happy hour. Don't get me wrong, it's a restaurant and we serve food and I don't mind bringing you food. But I do mind bringing you your food and as I set it down you then continue to order a side of this or a side of that or extra sauce or whatever it is that you could've ordered when you originally ordered your food. Great, now I have to pull a Carl Lewis and sprint back to the kitchen grab the extras that you need, run by your table and drop it off and get back to the printer that has been continuously printing drinks for people in the entire restaurant....while dodging people's requests for some more orange beads, flashing Dos Equis buttons, Cuervo visors ( even though they are drinking water and don't even know what Cuervo is), and a mini pinata keychain ( because their blinking shamrock keychain has burned out from St. Patty's Day).

It's a crazy night. However, I am an observer. I find great pleasure in watching totally normal ( well some people ) transform themselves in a matter of 2 hours into drunk, obnoxious, slurring fools with dancing rhythm like Jerry Springer from Dancing With the Stars. I laugh a lot, usually totally by myself. I have never been caught because I know they are intoxicated and even if they catch me laughing at them I don't care. What are they going to do... whip the 30 layers of beads from around their neck at me...they are so knotted up anyway from doing the cha cha that they aren't going anywhere. And it all resorts back to the margarita....you know... "the little tiny margarita" that they pound and keep ordering more of because they are so used to their sissy ones. For god sakes...A bee buzzes more than they do when they drink those fake ones. But here at Cafe, the margarita is like no other....you really don't need more than 2 to have good time...but there's always the people that think they can handle the fierce margarita....like the senorita below...

Wanted....Recipes!

2007-05-03T11:01:00.001-05:00

If you've noticed, I haven't been posting recipes lately. That's because nobody has been sending them to me. Come on people, this is a recipe website. Start sharing them with the world! You can send them to me at jgott78@aol.com and I would love to share them for you.

A Reflection on D.C.

2007-05-03T09:29:00.000-05:00

Washington D.C. was fun. However, there is one thing that you should never do if you are travelling with Jen (my roommate) to view the monuments. Let me tell you the story of the reflecting pool. We went to visit Tracy, who lives in Bethesda. Tracy had to work on Thursday so Jen and I had to plan our own day of activities while Tracy and her husband worked. We decided to jump on the Metro. Living in Manchester and only visiting Boston by car, we were not used to the normalcy of taking the Metro....anywhere. Tracy gave us directions to walk to the Metro...she said buy a ticket and take the Red Line all the way. Ok, Tracy. So we walk to the Metro....see a huge escalator which I think was also known as "Geronimo". It leads us down to the ticket area. I'm already having anxiety. Call number one to Tracy. "Hello, Tracy...what do we do at the ticket area?...There are so many different machines." Tracy responds "Put your money in and get a ticket" Ok, bye. Thanks Tracy for telling us that we have to put the money in and get the ticket....what machine? How much? So we put 5 bucks in and a ticket spits out at us. We then follow the mass of people flying by us of course ignoring us poor tourists trying to get to downtown D.C. to see the stupid monuments. So we get to the turnstile and after watching like 5 people demonstrate how to put the ticket in...it's our turn. I put my ticket in the slot and the gate opens spitting my ticket back out so I can use it later. I quickly run through. I turn and watch Jen. She puts her ticket in and goes to walk through the gate thinking it's going to open she keeps walking and slams into the unopened gate. Haha I start to die laughing like I always do when she tries something new. She tries again...it finally works. She gets a little mad at me for laughing but I don't care because it was funny. We finally get on the Metro and we take a seat right next to the Map because again we are the dumb tourists minus the fanny packs. We make it off the Metro at the right stop (surprising for us to get it right on the first try). We make it out of the tunnel and into the fresh air and start walking, thinking we are going to view so many different things. We make absolutely no plan on what to see first and so we just start to wander around. All around us are structured tours, people on bikes, in vans, and we even saw a d.c. Segway tour...how cheesy. So we decide on a first stop....the vendor on the side of the road selling hot dogs and egg rolls. So gross, but we were hungry. We basically just walked around never going into any places until we came to the National Air and Space Museum. We fought off all the little flocks field trips and entered the building. Noticing that there was nothing in the museum that was going to interest us ( and no bar ) we quickly made an exit. Continuing on our journey and sweating a lot, we seemed to be just wasting time. While we were walking though...Jen was reminiscing about her family D.C. trip she had taken long ago. We finally came upon this big area that looked like a lawn of sand. Now...this made the trip worth while to me. Jen looks down at the big over sized double football length area and says...with the most serious face "Oh they must have filled in the reflection pool with all this sand." I immediately started roaring with laughter. Why would they fill in one of the most historic sites with sand and where the hell would they get enough sand to fill that mass of water in? That must be where all our tax dollars went to. I knew George Bush had one smart idea in him. The moral of the story....Do not EVER let Jen DePippo be your tour guide in D.C.! It turns out that the real reflection pool was way on the other side of the Washington Monument and my tour guide was a bit confused. D.C. is no place for us after all.

We did have a great time though otherwise....Speaking of otherwise, We played the best game at Tracy's one night. It's called Wise and Otherwise. It is by far the best game I've ever played in my life. I have never laughed so hard. I'll let you check it out for yourself...click here.... You really should purchase it and play with a good group of people if you want a good laugh....drink a lot too. We went to see the Red Sox at Camden Yards. That was fun. We went to the National Zoo...bring your walking shoes, it's mostly uphill. Then we ate and drank and ate and drank more. I topped off the trip with the flu on the last day...yuck. I'm feeling much better now though.

So thanks Tracy and Brian...we really had a great time!

Washington D.C.

2007-04-25T15:09:00.000-05:00

Who in their right mind would go to an airport 3 hours before their flight? Yah, exactly...Jen and I. We have been here since 2:00 waiting for a flight to Washington D.C. We had to come early so we could drink at the chinsy fake bar that they have here. Where the bartender concentrates so hard to follow the "exact pour" rule. We will be in D.C. till Saturday, visiting our friend Tracy. We got Red Sox tickets for Thursday night's game for $20. I'll update you soon...hopefully the plane lands ok. I just might run for president while I'm there.....would you vote for me?

Cancel Cosmo...Subscribe to Reader's Digest

2007-04-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

I am definitely starting to feel my ripe age of 28 (June 2nd will make it 29) I'm thinking I'm going to trade my Audi in for a Rascal scooter pretty soon. I've found that I just can't wake up and hop out of bed like I used to be able to do. I have a ridiculous amount of gray hair growing in like random weeds sprouting up in a bed of roses. So now I carry a pair of tweezers with me at all times in case those evil coarse strands from hell decide to ambush my natural brunette locks of love. Lately, my mirror has basically been my significant other. Sometimes I love what I see...most of the time I hate it. I constantly fight with it...usually I lose and I change my outfit. However, no matter how I treat it...it always stays there hanging on the wall while waiting for me to come back to it day after day...so faithful to me(ok...I'll admit myself to the psych ward). Think about it though...kinda weird how much time we really do spend staring at ourselves. Yet, I still really can't grasp what I actually look like. Usually after I get ready and decide on a final outfit my bedroom suffers greatly. So much that sometimes that I feel like Hurricane Katrina dropped by to say hello. I always look around to see what mess I have created, take two steps out the door, and close it ever so gently so as not to disrupt the disaster area that I've created.

This is the kicker...After holding onto my ticket of youth for so long, it has finally been validated and I've officially been admitted into adulthood. Let me tell the story. My friend Jen and I worked a local function called "Taste of the Nations" at C.R. Sparks. It's where local vendors, restaurants, etc. set up a booth and hand out samples of their products, wine & spirits, and samples of great food. Tickets were $60 and all proceeds went to the NH Food Bank. It was an enjoyable event and most definitely catered to every one's palate. Well, as it turned out, our services weren't really needed as we intended them to be so our boss Bruce ( he's the garbage pail kid from Friday's blog) let us go early. Knowing full well how big Spark's martini glasses were, we decided to go have one at the bar. So we went. Very dry Grey Goose martini straight up with a couple of olives....shake it real good. After we had one, we decided to make our way back into the event to say goodbye to Bruce. As we were walking towards the exit doors an older man ( not sure but 60's I'd guess ) approached us. "Ladies I noticed you at the bar, may I buy you a nightcap?" ( Sir...we noticed you at the bar and were wondering where you parked your walker ) Any attempt to control our laugh was thrown right out the window... a NIGHTCAP? " No thank you but enjoy your senior discount old man river." Ok, I've had guys ask to buy me a drink or a shot but NEVER a nightcap...and never as old as he looked. When the words came out of his mouth I actually contemplated looking behind me to see if there were ladies behind us that looked remotely closer to his age....none in sight. That one word has ruined any chances of hanging on to my youthfulness. What would've happened if we said yes? Would we have had conversation? I can just see it now... "So sir, Does Super PoliGrip really work? How many grandchildren do you have? Oh, what's that...great grandchildren...sorry my mistake." Then of course we'd have to wait for him while he goes to the bathroom a million times, then watch him shuffle step back to his bar stool which would take him a good 10 minutes. These are the things that I look forward to in life. It makes me want to pack my itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini away into the closet and pull out my grandmother's hand me down bathing suit with the ruffly skirt... comes with a matching bathing cap. Nightcap this.

You Booze You Lose

2007-04-13T10:00:00.000-05:00

Picture this. You are at your first designer bag party, you are so excited because you are finally going to get the Coach bag of your dreams... so you browse around and see some plain, everyday, bags that you ignore because you want that special unique bag that nobody has yet. You keep looking and looking faster than everybody else because you know everyone is thinking the same thing you are right? You want "Thee" bag and nobody is going to get in your way. You are so ready and willing to take down the snobby lady holding her primped up poodle in a bag if you have too. All of a sudden...there it is! You scoop it up like it's nobody's business and you proceed right to the host flashing all forms of payment while thinking of what it is that you can put up as collateral in case she doesn't accept credit cards or checks. You're dreaming of what you can possibly put in your new luxurious bag...probably the usual... pills, coupons, pictures of your kids, anything but money. So she wraps the bag up in fancy tissue paper and hands it over to you congratulating you on your first "Coach" purchase while ripping the 300 dollars from you. You are so excited! You get home and have the bag for about a week and you notice that the seams are ripping..huh? After thinking you put too much of your makeup in the bag, you lighten the load by taking out your blush brush. There, that should help it. Two more days go by and you notice that the tiny little rip in the seam has now formed a hole and your loose pennies are dropping to the floor. You take everything out of the bag so pissed off that you paid 300 dollars for a real Coach bag so you rummage through your phone numbers looking for the host's number only to find out that it's a disconnected number. You go back to the bag and discover a tag so conveniently hidden that says "Goach" AAAAHHH! You've been had by an impostor Coach party. Moral of the story... check the labels, check the labels, check the labels.

The two pictures above are Garbage Pail Kids....can you figure out which one is the impostor? Both are worth a lot of laughs!

Boozin' Bruce's Chicken Pot Pie

2 CANS CHICKEN GRAVY,

4CARROTS,

4 CELERY STICKS,

1 CAN SMALL SWEET PEAS,

2 POTATOES,

1 BOX OF FROZEN PUFF PASTRIES

SAUTEE CARROTS AND CELERY IN PAN
DICE AND BOIL POTATOES
MIX CARROTS, CELERY,POTATO IN CHICKEN GRAVY ADD CAN OF PEAS INCLUDING JUICE HEAT TILL HOT
COOK PUFF PASTRIES ACCORDING TO THE DIRECTIONS ON THE BOX
WHEN DONE POUR CHICKEN POT PIE MIXTURE OVER PUFF PASTRY AND BON APPETITE

A Stinky Shituation

2007-04-12T13:31:00.000-05:00

Everyone Poops. Yes, that's including you. Poo, # 2, send some sailors to sea, stock the pond with brown trout, drop a log , dookie, whatever your fancy is.... we all do it. What most of us can't deal with though is the fact that it STINKS! Let's discuss public pooping. It almost always happens in a restaurant with single bathrooms. How many times have you had to go pee and you have to wait for someone to leave the bathroom while you stand there in line forever? There's always someone who comes up behind you and says... "Are you waiting for the bathroom?" Come on, I'm standing right in front of the door so obviously I am. After what seems like eternity the person comes out and you finally get to go in only to be bombarded with a cocktail of putrid horror. It's too late though... you're already inside, there's no turning back now because #1 you gotta go pee and #2 you gotta go as fast as you can so that the next person in line doesn't think it's you that set off that nuclear bomb. You immediately get nervous (the kind of nervousness that you get when you're driving and you pass a cop who is hiding in a parking lot..you know...the quick sweat) You only have to pee so why should you have to deal with the previous pooper's problem and why do you even care what the next person in line thinks?? You do though and it's so weird that people feel this way about bathrooms. So after controlling your gagging reflex, you decide to do what any other person would do in this situation....a "hover and cover". You hover over the toilet to attempt to break a record as the world's fastest urinater while you cover your nose and mouth so that nothing rotten seeps inside. With your eyes, you frantically scan every inch of the bathroom hoping to find an old Glade spray can that will get out one last pfffftt! No chance though so you go for plan B the "substitute soap dispenser spray". After grasping what's left of the toilet paper (great...the next person is going to think I don't wipe my ass either..can it get worse?? oh ya.) Kicking the handle to flush, you finally locate the soap. You squirt a massive pile of soap on your hands (this is the ssds technique) and you start flailing them around so that the smell will quickly diminish.... this hardly ever works. Completely disgusted with the whole situation and cursing yourself for guzzling down the large soda that has caused you to even be in this mess, you suck it up and decide to face the complete stranger ,who you will probably never see again, waiting just as impatiently as you were. You take a quick breath and open the door while lunging past the next person in line while giving the "Good luck in there...I didn't do it" face and you proceed to do a sprintwalk back to your table while keeping your eyes glued to the bathroom door to catch the reaction when that person walks out to face the next in line. This cycle continues over and over until that original uni bomber's stench dissolves into the air. It's pretty gross. All of you readers who are denying that you do this are all full of shit. The problem is that we will probably never accept the fact that your shit does stink....everybody does it...and unless some genius invents a way to eliminate odor....we will all suffer.

There is no recipe today....I lost my appetite.

Plumber Wanted

2007-04-09T13:51:00.000-05:00

If you ever need a plumber you can certainly check out this yellow page. I suggest you thumb through until you come across the name Neal Marion...Specializing in Plumbing and Singing.(click link). He's definitely the best in the business. He may not be the next Micheal Stipe but can surely clean your pipe. His favorite song is "Singing in the Dwain" but he has been known to program his personal jukebox to your personal selection. He's available 24 hours a day, however, the best time to contact him is after last call Sunday through Sunday when he does his best work. No appointments neccessary! He doesn't have a cell phone but you can reach him by calling any watering hole in Manchester...as long as they have 2 dollar Coors Light on tap. He also doesn't come equipped with any anything but his plumber's crack and a set of lovely vocal chords so you'll have to provide your own plunger (I suggest visiting Home Depot, Building 19 1/8 or just grab one out of any public stall). Ladies, Neal's single...give him a call and he'll plunge his way into your heart... and toilet with sweet late night melodies...

While he's plunging and singing you should try making this recipe definitely not provided by him but one he'd surely eat ... Paula Deen's BEER Battered Shrimp

The Lady and Sons Beer-Battered Fried Shrimp
Recipe courtesy Paula Deen

1 cup beer (Guinness works well)

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

Oil, for frying 21 to 25 large shrimp, peeled with tails left on

Preheat a fryer or a deep pot halfway filled with oil to 350 degrees F.
In a bowl, combine the beer, flour, and salt, and allow to sit at room temperature for several hours. Pat the shrimp dry with paper towels and dip the shrimp in the batter and fry for approximately 2 to 3 minutes. Drain shrimp on paper towels.

Spittle...More Than Just a Little

2007-04-04T09:44:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile. I've been working a lot lately and today is my day off... finally. Since I've been working so much, I've been really tired and I seem to have picked up a habit that I thought I kicked long ago. My name is Jaime and I drool excessively. There, I admitted it and I feel better now but my skin is pretty much taking the brunt of the problem. Well... besides the poor pillow that I tend to flip over at least 3 times during my slumber to avoid drowning in my own pool o' drool (that's my pillow... I took a pic so that you'd be able to get the full effect of my story). Sometimes, it's so bad that when I flip the pillow over, it's still wet from the last flip. That's why I have taken another pillow hostage to torment. Now, I consider my skin pretty healthy but I'm no Noxema girl. I have never had an acne problem....until now. I have broken out around the areas near my mouth that rest on my pillow where the drool festers. When I wake up in the morning it feels so disgusting like a giant slug has slimed my face. I'm just waiting for someone to ask me what happened to my face..." I have a drooling problem?" Does anybody have a cure to stop my problem? I mean, I'm not a disgusting person and I do regularly change my pillow cases so erase that "Eww she's probably got the grossest pillows" idea out of your head because I don't. I just need to figure out how to turn the faucet off.

Here's a recipe that will get you drooling .... possibly after becoming intoxicated though. I know it's good, we make it at the restaurant and sample it quite often.

Angela's Sangria

6 liters of either burgundy or white(chard is a good choice) wine
2 - 2 1/2 pints of simple syrup (2 parts h2o to 1 part sugar boiled and cooled)
10 dashes of cinnamon
4 oranges (cut into four chunks with all fruit to squeeze into wine)
3 limes
4 lemons
2 cups Peachtree Schnapps (or to taste..mmm.. I think it needs more)

Mix all ingredients together, squeeze fruit and drop into mixture to let wine absorb juice.
Let sit overnight in the fridge and squeeze fruit before removing (or take the marinated fruit with you to suck on as needed :) I like the traditional..red but I have begun to really enjoy the white on a really hot day...For those on a diet..I have made the simple syrup using the granulated splenda and I couldn't taste the difference...drink up!

A Second Helping

2007-03-27T10:46:00.000-05:00

Kim sent these recipes a long time ago, however, I lost them. So she re-sent them to me and they sound tasty and manageable to make (Jill). So without further hesitation I present Kim's Double Recipe Delight.... By the way, has anybody ever tried Gnocchi? It's basically an Italian dumpling stuffed with different things such as potato, ricotta, spinach. I bought it at the grocery store and let it sit on the shelf in my pantry for at least 2 months and one day finally decided to try it. I liked them ( I tried the potato kind) next time I'm going to buy the ricotta cheese and spinach ones. I wish I could live on pasta.....such a small word but does deadly damage!

Tortellini Alla Panna

2 (9oz) packages of spinach tortellini,
2 tbsp butter,
24oz heavy cream,
2 piece of prosciutto (1/2"thick),
1/2 cup frozen peas,
1 cup fresh romano/parmigiana cheese

melt butter in saucepan,
add the cream and simmer for 5 minutes
add prosciutto then cook on low for 10 minutes stir mixture often
add peas and continue to cook
prepare tortellini as specified on package,
while tortellini cooking add cheese to cream mixture
strain tortellini,
mix in large bowl with cream sauce and serve with garlic bread

Penne Alla Vodka

4 tbsp oil,
4 tbsp butter,
sm red onion,
16oz heavy cream,
2 cans Tuttroso plum tomatoes(pureed),
6oz vodka,
2 pieces prosciutto (1/2"thick)

Simmer oil,
butter, and onion
add tomatoes and vodka
add prosciutto and heavy cream
Simmer for two hours
Cook penne (alla dente)
serve with garlic bread

Inspire to Perspire

2007-03-25T00:44:00.000-05:00

My friend Tarin is the workout queen. She is made entirely of pure muscle. If you saw her, you'd think she was manufactured in the Mattel warehouse and packaged alongside Barbie. She's always kickboxing or doing some kind of cardio, dance, step, and I wouldn't be surprised if she told me she was joining a cardio belly dancing class next. Don't get me wrong, wipe the vision of The Incredible Hulk out of your head and just keep the Incredible part. I wish I could look half as good as her. I usually make it to the gym 4-5 times a week. I never go inside though. I just cut through the parking lot to get to work. I once had a free year's membership given to me by the owners of the club. I never used the membership but the little card came in quite handy in the winter when I needed to scrape the ice off my windshield.

***BREAKING NEWS***

This just in... Tarin's "quick step" talents have recently been discovered by workout fanatic Richard Simmons. He was in Boston a couple of days ago trying to promote his Vegetable Steamer and he happened to pop into one of Tarin's cardio kickboxing classes. He liked what he saw when he laid his eyes on her. So like a gardener, Richard picked that tulip (although his favorite flowers are pansies) right out of KL's garden o' athletes. He immediately signed her on to his Platinum Sweat Oldies Tour (coming soon to your nearest nursing home so check the label on your next prune juice purchase for details). This is a great achievement for Tarin and her fancy footwork. She's got the beat alright and she surely has raised the bar in cardio kickboxing. Dancing her way into the elder population remixing hit songs such as... Chain of Stools, Jumpin Jack Hot Flash, and chart topper You Can't Hurry Love...or Me and My Walker. According to Workout Weekly Magazine the Platinum Sweat video will knock your leg warmers off! Siskel and Ebert gave the video a 1 , 2 and 3 repetitions!

So keep taking your vitamins and be sure to drink your Ensure because I'm sure as soon as this tour hits your town you can bet your buns of steel and thigh-masters will be packed away under your bed ( they always tried to bribe you with that marketing scam....who's bed did it actually fit under anyway??) because you will be too busy Sweatin' to the Oldies with Tarin and Richard!

In Memory of our trip to LA here's an original Cobb salad recipe that I know Tarin would undoubtedly enjoy...probably with a side of toasted pita bread.

Cobb Salad

3 hard-cooked eggs,

peeled 8 bacon slices

1 head romaine lettuce, leaves separated and torn into bite-size pieces

2 cups chopped watercress (tough stems removed)

4 cups diced cooked turkey or chicken

2 avocados, pitted, peeled and diced

2 tomatoes, chopped

1/4 pound plus 1 ounce Roquefort cheese, crumbled

1/4 cup red wine vinegar

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1 clove garlic, minced

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper

1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil

Several long chive lengths for garnish

Cut the hard-cooked eggs into 1/2-inch dice. Set aside.
In a large frying pan over medium heat, fry the bacon about 10 minutes or until crisp; transfer to paper towels to drain. When cool, crumble and set aside.
Make a bed of lettuce on a platter, shallow bowl, or individual serving plates. Arrange the eggs, bacon, herbs, watercress, turkey or chicken, avocados, tomatoes. and the 1/4 pound Roquefort cheese in a neat pattern atop the lettuce, in rows or in a checkerboard pattern, covering the lettuce almost completely.
In a small bowl, whisk together the wine vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, garlic, salt, and pepper. Using a fork, mash in the remaining 1 ounce Roquefort cheese to make a paste. While whisking, slowly drizzle in the olive oil to form a thick dressing.
Pour a little of the dressing over the salad and garnish with chive lengths. Serve immediately. Pass the remaining dressing at the table.
Makes 4 to 6 servings.

Pickling a School

2007-03-22T11:07:00.000-05:00

I apologize for not writing about my deepest darkest secrets in the past week. I've been soooo busty...oops spellcheck...I mean busy. That would be pretty funny though if I was really busty. Imagine me walking around the restaurant with my huge knockers waiting on customers (ok that's enough). Do you think the men would order chicken breast... or steak tits?

I am not exactly sure what it is that has made me so busy lately but trust me, I was. Maybe it was all the crazy thoughts that have gone through my head this week like trying to figure out what I want to be "when I grow up". What am I good at? I know for sure that I'm real good at filling the fridge full of my collection of pickles. I have dedicated a whole shelf to those mouthwatering sour bites of love. In fact I just counted and there's exactly thirteen jars including the jalapeno stuffed olives. Anyway, I am ready to suck it up and go back to school. I need to get it over with and all this hesitation is making me crazy (insert your line...she already is crazy). I know. I just really want to make the right decision for me and only me. I need to give myself a decision deadline....to be determined at a later date.

So while I leave you hanging on with what my future profession will be, I'd like to share with you my most favorite food recipe in the entire world, Homemade Macaroni and Cheese. Actually the blame on my most recent weight gain goes to Joy who is responsible for this most delicious recipe. I could eat this every single night and actually, I have been eating it for the past couple of nights....I'm hoping I will be fat enough to perform the truffle shuffle soon.

Joy's Homemade Macaroni and Cheese

1 stick of butter
2 cups of whole milk
3/4 lb white American cheese
1 small block of Velveeta cheese
1 1/2 lbs of casserole elbow pasta
pepper to taste

Topping

1 sleeve ritz crackers
additional 1/2-3/4 stick of butter

Directions

Boil pasta. In small saucepan melt one stick of butter. Add 2 cups of milk. Gradually add pieces of both kinds of cheese until sauce thickens. Then add pepper. Add sauce to cooked pasta. Melt the remaining butter and mix with crushed up crackers to spread on top. Bake in oven at 350 for 25 minutes covered. Then cook uncovered for an additional 5-10 minutes to brown the ritz. Park yourself at a trough and pig out.

"Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?" Billy Connolly

Irish I Was Bluffin...

2007-03-16T12:00:00.000-05:00

In our spare time, Jen, Betsy, and I are clog dancers. We usually perform at places such as Tipsy McStaggers, The Blarney Stone, and on a rare occasion, late night right on the bar at PJ O'Sullivans (Ask the fingerless bar patrons how good we are). The picture you see here is from a clogg hopping carnival at canobie lake taken just last June. As you can see, I am the lead dancer and also the "prettiest in costume" Betsy and Jen are my back-up dancers. Betsy was dancing so fast that she lost her wig! She's such a hard worker...just keeps on dancing..poor thing!

Anyway, here's a great recipe for all you Leprechauns!

Bailey's Irish Cream Cake

1 pkg. Duncan Hines yellow cake mix (without pudding)
3/4 cup chopped nuts
1 package instant French vanilla pudding
4 eggs
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup Bailey's Irish Cream
Bailey's Irish Cream frosting (recipe below)

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease and flour a 12 cup bundt pan. Sprinkle nuts into bottom of pan. Combine remaining ingredients in large mixing bowl. Beat four minutes on high speed, pour into pan. Bake 45 to 55 minutes until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Let cake cool and invert onto plate.

Bailey's Irish Cream Frosting

1 pound powdered sugar
5 1/2 tablespoons butter, softened
1/4 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons Bailey's Irish Cream
Beat all ingredients in a small bowl until fluffy.

Eat Now Pay Waiter

2007-03-13T23:45:00.000-05:00

I worked at the restaurant tonight. I considered it a "community service" night. A community service night is when you go to work and you basically volunteer your time to sit there and maybe wait on a total of five customers all night long. I detest nights like these, it's a waste to even show up at work knowing full well that I will be bringing home peanuts. Sometimes I pay more in gas to get to work than I make in tips...go figure. Tonight was boring, I felt like a librarian who sits at the circulation desk and re-tapes the bindings on books for hours on end. I only wish I had a book to read. I wouldn't really read it though, I'd probably stare at the pages while peeking up at most of the customers thinking about what it is that lures them into the restaurant 5 out of 7 nights a week. You'd think that if they logged onto my website they could cook a decent meal at home instead of the restaurant feeding them every night. Back to my staring problem. I believe God has given me the gift of observation and If I could just figure out what to do with this gift than I'd surely be a millionaire. Some say I notice the most random things about a person but I just can't help it. I feel that if someone offered me a job just to sit on a bench and watch the world go by....I could totally do it. Not only could I do it, I'd be the best damn observer ever!

Anyway, in my bored stupor tonight, I kept walking into the kitchen to open the freezer and check on my dessert I had my eye on all night...Mexican Flan (mmmmm!). There was one left. I wanted it soooo bad but I had already eaten so many girl scout cookies in the past two days that I could not eat it. Nobody ever claimed it but I as I was leaving work I took one last peek at it and tucked it in the back of the cooler behind the dressings thinking to myself that if I can't have it....then nobody else can!

Flan

Flan is a traditional Mexican dessert and there are many versions. This one is prized for it's simplicity. If you've never made flan before, now is the time to try it.

INGREDIENTS:
1 cup and 1/2 cup sugar
6 large eggs
1 14oz can sweetened condensed milk
2 13 oz cans evaporated milk
1 teaspoon vanilla

PREPARATION:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. You will need 6 ramekins or other specialty flan cook ware and a large baking pan to put them in.
Pour 1 cup sugar in warm pan over medium heat. Constantly stir sugar until is brown and becomes caramel.
Quickly pour approximately 2-3 tablespoons of caramel in each ramekin, tilting it to swirl the caramel around the sides. Reheat caramel if it starts to harden.
In a mixer or with a whisk, blend the eggs together. Mix in the milks then slowly mix in the 1/2 cup of sugar, then the vanilla. Blend smooth after each ingredient is added.
Pour custard into caramel lined ramekins. Place ramekins in a large glass or ceramic baking dish and fill with about 1-2 inches of hot water. Bake for 45 minutes in the water bath and check with a knife just to the side of the center. If knife comes out clean, it's ready.
Remove and let cool. Let each ramekin cool in refrigerator for 1 hour. Invert each ramekin onto a small plate, the caramel sauce will flow over the custard!

There will Beano Complainin' Bout This Chili

2007-03-13T23:26:00.000-05:00

Christina's Chicken Chili

3 or 4 boneless chicken breasts
1 large can of stewed tomatoes
1 large can of diced tomatoes
1 small can of tomato paste (optional)
1 can of black beans
1 can of red kidney beans
1 can of pinto beans
1 medium yellow onion
1 green pepper
1 package chili seasoning
1 bottle of picante sauce
chili powder
1 package of sharp cheddar cheese

This will feed you for a week and can all be placed in a crock pot and stored in the fridge for days. Is great heated up again and you can make it as mild or as hot as you like it. PLUS it is very healthy for you!!!!

1. I like to boil the chicken in a big pot of water on the stove first.( I think for about 30 minutes but I never have timed it so just make sure it's not pink anymore. You can also bake it or fry it on the stove.) I boil it so when it is done I pull it apart into bite size pieces like pulled pork. I think it makes the chili much better when the chicken is like this rather than diced up into perfect squares because it absorbs all the spices.
2.Anyway, while the chicken is boiling dice up your onion and pepper and cook it in a frying pan until soft. I usually add some garlic here as well.
3. Empty all the stewed tomatoes, beans and tomato paste to the crockpot or large pot and turn the crockpot on medium. You just need to heat them up.
4. Add the pulled chicken to the completed peppers and onions in the pan and then add half of the chili seasoning. Stir together.
5. Add the chicken, pepper and onion mix to the crockpot or pot.
6. Add the rest of the seasoning pack
7. Add picante sauce.......I usually pour almost half a bottle into it but it depends how spicy you want your chili so just keep testing to see where you want it to be. This goes for the seasoning pack and the chili powder. You can use a second seasoning pack or you can add several teaspoons of chili powder. I add at least 3 teaspoons of chili powder but please do a little at a time so it doesn't get too spicy.
8. Let everything heat up and serve with the sharp cheddar cheese on top!

Yan Can Cook, Jill Can't

2007-03-09T12:51:00.000-05:00

The Unheard Recipe

"Bake chicken at 350 for 30 minutes sporadically sprinkle on Mrs. Dash, microwave broccoli and serve " For fun you can have peas instead.

Some of you may be wondering.... Is this a recipe? Where are the ingredients? Who is Mrs. Dash? I too, am baffled by this concoction sent to me by a friend ( see today's title ).You might as well take your TV trays out of the closet for this recipe.

I casually sent out an email requesting recipes from people who wish to share them with the world. I have a couple of recipes that have not been posted yet which I am working on. However, just for shits and giggles I asked my friend Jill for one knowing full well that she is "kitchen-handicapped." After reading her "recipe" I'm suprised her fiance Ricky isn't standing on a random sidewalk holding a sign up that says " Will Work For Food"....oh wait... he is standing on the sidewalk with one! Please help Ricky fight the hunger...start sending the recipes!

Licking the Plate Clean

2007-03-06T13:14:00.000-05:00

Tyler Florence is hot, so are the recipes in his cookbook titled Eat This Book (some hot as in temperature while others just desirably hot). I picked it up at Barnes and Noble this past weekend and I have to say, it's one of the best cookbooks I've seen in quite some time. The pictures look irresistable ( as well as Tyler Flo) and most of the recipes seem to be quite manageable in the kitchen. Tyler shows you how to make simple mayonnaises, fresh chopped-herb sauces, fresh milled spices, vinaigrettes, simple stocks, special salads, seafood dishes, chicken, beef, and the list goes on...

Check out the book, trust me, you'll use it a lot! Here's an easy salad recipe

Steak and Bacon Bleu Cheese Wedge Salad

Step 1
Preheat oven to 375° F.
Season both sides of the filet mignon generously with salt and pepper.

Step 2
In a large heavy, ovenproof skillet, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat until almost smoking. Place the steaks in the hot pan and cook until well seared on one side, about 3 minutes. Turn the steaks over. There should be a nice crust on top. Then transfer the pan to the oven. Roast for 10 to 12 minutes until the steaks are cooked medium-rare (add 4 more minutes for medium).

Step 3
On a sheet tray lay out bread cubes & drizzle with extra virgin olive oil. Season with salt & pepper than bake in oven for 10 minutes or until nice and golden brown. Shake tray occasionally to toss croutons and ensure they get a nice even color all over. Set aside.

Step 4
In a separate pan lay the bacon out flat and fry over medium heat until crispy.

Step 5
Slice the tomatoes into wedges and drizzle with a little olive oil, salt and freshly ground black pepper. Cut the romaine hearts in half down the middle and set aside.

Step 6
Make the blue cheese dressing. Combine the mayonnaise, sour cream, lemon juice, blue cheese and chives in a large mixing bowl and stir with a whisk until everything is combined. The dressing should remain slightly chunky from the blue cheese -- this dressing can also be made ahead of time and refrigerated.

Step 7
To assemble, smear blue cheese dressing on a platter. Place two halves of romaine hearts crossed over each other next to it. Arrange 5 or 6 tomato wedges around the lettuce then finish with crispy crumbled bacon strips. Sprinkle with croutons and set the filet on the plate next to the salad. Add a generous dollop of creamy blue cheese dressing and garnish all over with chopped chives.

"When I learned how to cook...I forgot how to clean!" anonymous

No Cuts, No Buts... No Coconuts

2007-03-04T23:33:00.000-05:00

I can remember the day so vividly. I was in 3rd grade. I brought my lunch to school everyday. One day, I forgot it at home and had to get a hot lunch ticket. I had never had hot lunch before so I kinda just followed the veteran hot lunchers (those who knew what meal was being served on certain days) into the hot lunch line. As I waited in the steadily moving line I watched the teachers on duty pull certain kids out of line because they kept horsin' around while at the same time threatening them with the famous teacher line "How would you like eat your lunch in front of the principal's office today, huh, would you like that!?" then I heard "You better knock it off or you'll be the last one to get your Shepherds pie today!" You'd think that we were enlisting in the army or something with the drill sergeants we had in that cafeteria (who shall forever remain nameless because I'm still scared of them, all you Green Acres crickets know who I'm talkin about). I can remember thinking to myself... eww, what the heck is Shepherds pie? As I got closer to the counter where Mrs. Grayshon ( the lunch lady) was serving lunch, I could finally see what was on the trays. I saw mashed potatoes and some kind of hamburg mixed together but was was that yellow stuff? It had to be butter. I looked closer as I passed a table and noticed it was corn. I don't know what it is about creamed corn but I totally despise it. I immediately became so upset because I knew in my head that the teachers were going to make me eat it...they always forced kids to eat their lunches! I will remember this day forever because I was about five people away from having to pick up my tray and eat that mushy, creamy, canned corn and across the cafeteria I saw my dad walk into the lunchroom with my lunchbox. And so I must say... Thank you Dad for saving me from not only eating the corn, but also for saving me the embarrassment of shitting my pants after those fire breathing dragons found out I didn't eat my Shepherds pie.

For all you Shepherds pie eaters out there enjoy Tracy's recipe...

World's Easiest Shepherd's Pie by Tracy Fitzgerald (my mother's recipe, although she uses REAL potatoes but I am lazy)

Ingredients

1 box (2 pouches) instant mashed potatoes (whatever flavor you like, may I suggest roasted garlic)
1 can whole kernel corn
1 can cream of corn
1 lb ground beef

Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a skillet, cook the ground beef with salt, pepper, onion powder and garlic powder to taste (be generous). Meanwhile, follow directions to cook instant mashed potatoes. Once beef is cooked, drain fat and put meat into the bottom of a bread pan. Cover meat with both cans of corn. Cover corn with instant mashed potatoes. Place bread pan on cookie sheet (juices will spill out and over the sides of the bread pan some so it is a good idea to place it on cookie sheet - also might want to cover cookie sheet with tin foil first for easy cleanup). Cook at 400 degrees for 30 minutes or until potatoes are browned.
Done deal

"I made my favorite thing for dinner... a reservation."

Blow Out the Candles

2007-03-03T15:06:00.000-05:00

In recognition of Jen's 29th birthday I've decided to share a recipe that I stumbled upon while surfing the internet. It was of course the dessert section of the website, which by the way I always go to first. I am always looking for a delicious Tirimisu recipe. Anyway back to the recipe at hand, the name of it is Snicker's cake. I know all of you die hard chocolate lovers will love this. I haven't made this cake for the birthday girl seeing as she will be going to her parent's house for a birthday celebration and her mother will definitely make some kind of irresistable dessert (props to you Joanne!). She will outcook anyone "HANDS DOWN". I think we'll have to get her to share some of her recipes... Anyway, try this one and if you like it, let the rest of us know how good it is!

Snicker's cake

Ingredients:

1 pack German chocolate cake mix
1 pack caramels (small pack)
1/2 cup butter
1/3 cup milk
6 oz chocolate chips
1 cup nuts, chopped

Procedures:
1 Mix cake mix as directed.
2 Pour half of the batter into a greased 9x13 pan.
3 Bake in preheated 350°F oven for 15-20 minutes.
4 Melt caramels, butter and milk together.
5 Pour over baked mixture.
6 Sprinkle chocolate chips and nuts over caramel mixture.
7 Pour remaining cake batter over top of all and bake 20 minutes at 250°F then 10 minutes at 350~

"If you don't like my cooking then lower your standards!"
Unknown

Earmuffs and Legwarmers

2007-03-02T13:21:00.000-05:00

It's snowing out. It's miserably wet and gross outside and it's one of those days where you just want to sit around and stuff your face and take naps all day (well that's what I'm thinking anyway, hope it's normal). I'll kick off the recipes with a delicious but simple chicken parm.

Chicken Parmesean

Ingredients:

1 cup dry bread crumbs, italian flavored
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup ground oregano
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 clove garlic, minced
3/4 cup melted butter or margarine, divided
3 to 4 pounds chicken parts

Preparation:

Directions for Parmesan chicken Combine bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, oregano, pepper, and salt; set aside. In a skillet in 2 tablespoons butter, sauté garlic until tender. Add remaining melted butter. Dip chicken in garlic butter; roll each piece in bread crumb and Parmesan mixture. Place Parmesan chicken in a 13x9x2-inch baking pan; sprinkle with remaining bread crumb mixture and pour remaining garlic butter over all. Bake Parmesan chicken at 350° for 55 minutes, or until golden brown. Parmesan chicken serves 6!

Poem about Recipes

I didn't have potatoes,so I substituted rice.
Didn't have paprika,so I used another spice.
I didn't have tomato sauce,so I used tomato paste.
A whole can not a half can -I don't believe in waste.
My friend gave me the recipe -she said you couldn't beat it.
There must be something wrong with her,I couldn't even eat it.
Source unknown

Dining In

2007-03-01T10:01:00.000-05:00

Ok girls we've been talking about sharing recipes so I decided to go ahead and create a place where we can finally share them. It's time to dig down and find your Grandmother's chicken soup or your Dad's best chili recipe and share it with the rest of the world. I often wonder while making dinner and sipping wine, what other people are cooking and what makes a person decide what they want for dinner. Why do we even get cravings? So those of you that don't usually cook, take some time to peruse the collection (once we get one going) and start cooking! So read em, make em, and be happy!

I'm not exactly sure how to go about posting everybody's recipes but as soon as I do....I'll let you know how to do it